
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8719018.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, During_Canon
  Collections:
      Sinful_Desire
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-07-09 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 2238
****** If You Want My Body ******
by EntangledBeneathDean [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]
Summary
     Sam & Dean fight inner demons.
Notes
     Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally
     archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began
     importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in
     November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted
     announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on
     Sinful_Desire_collection_profile.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Sam just turned 16. With the age, came the attitude. He was getting more
opinionated, and more stubborn. Dean didn’t know how to handle him. He was 20.
He should be out partying, and chasing tail. His dad was never home, and it was
always “Salt the doors and windows, look after Sammy, don’t let anyone in, look
after Sammy, don’t answer the phone unless it rings once then hangs up, look
after Sammy. He loved watching out for Sam. He loved that he could be the one
Sam looked up to. He just didn’t know if he could control him anymore, and that
scared him.
Sam walked into the house at 3 am. He was drunk, or high. Dean didn’t know.
“Where have you been?” Sam huffed out a laugh. “that way.” Sam pointed out the
door. Dean walked up and slammed the door behind him and slammed him against
it. As he got closer he noticed something. “Sam, that’s not your cologne.” Sam
smiled up at him, almost daring Dean to do something about it. “SAM! Who was
it!”
“Nonee off yerr business!!” “DID HE FUCK YOU, HUH SAMMY!” Dean slammed his hand
on the door right next to Sam’s head. “WHAT DEAN! YOU WANNA HIT ME. FUCKING GO
FOR IT!! NOTHING CAN HURT ME ANYMORE!” Dean stopped. He heard the pain in Sam’s
voice. He could feel that same pain. Dean forgot he was clutching Sam’s shirt.
He let go and Sam slid down the door. Dean sat by him and ran his fingers
through Sam’s hair, while Sam laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. He was silently
crying. Not enough to hear, but Dean knew. “Please talk to me. These past few
weeks, you’ve been worrying me.”
“Nothing Dean. Leave it.” “I’m sorry I can’t. You’re all I have kid.” Dean
lifted Sam’s head. “Look at me. What’s going on with you?”
“I don’t know..I just….” Dean looked at him. “What? Tell me. I’m here.” “You’ll
get mad. I don’t want you to leave.”
“Sammy, nothing you can say will ever make me leave you.”
Sam mumbled under his breath. “What?”
“I said I love you.” Dean was quiet. Sam jumped up and ran towards his room.
Dean grabbed him by the leg, leaving Sam falling to the floor. Sam’s first
thought was that Dean was mad. Dean climbed on top of him. They were both
breathing heavily. “Sammy.” “Listen I know…I know you’re mad okay. I’m sorry. I
can’t control it.” “SAMMY! Listen. I’m not mad.”
“You’re not?” Dean smirked. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Sam’s. He
nibbled on his bottom lip. Sam let out a small whimper. “I’m not mad. I’m glad
you told me. A few more weeks, and I would have jumped you.” Dean ran his hand
up Sam’s shirt. He slid it over his head. “God you grew up.” Dean finally got
off Sam, and picked him up. He threw him over his shoulder. When they got to
Dean’s room, he threw Sam on the bed and pounced. Dean bit Sam’s neck hard. Sam
moaned and dug his nails into Dean’s back.
Dean left a good size bruise on Sam’s neck. “Dean, please. Fuck me, please.”
Dean backed up. “No. I can’t. It hurts. I won’t hurt you.” “No, no it’s okay.”
Dean got off the bed. “I can’t Sammy, I’m so sorry.”
“Dean, dean wait!” Dean was already gone. “Dammit.”
The next morning Sam went down the stairs to the kitchen. Dean was sitting on
the couch watching tv. “Hey Sammy.” Sam didn’t say anything. “Oh come on Sammy,
please talk to me.”
“You never want to talk any other time. Or do anything else for that matter.”
Dean ducked his head. “Damn it. Sammy I’m sorry. It’s not that I didn’t want
to. I just..”
“He didn’t ya know.”
“What?”
“He didn’t fuck me. Just thought I’d let you know.”
“Oh, um, thanks.”
“Sure, anything to help you out.” Sam walked back up to his room, and slammed
the door. Dean took a deep breath and walked up to Sam’s room. He knocked a
couple times. “Hey Sammy, can we talk.”
No answer. “Come on Sammy.” No answer. He opened the door, and Sam tilted his
head towards the door and looked at him. “What.”
Dean walked over to Sam’s bed and sat down. “Sammy, I’m sorry.”
“GOD Dean, all the times you’ve avoided talking, now you decide to talk. Just
leave me alone!”
“I can’t.”
“YOU SHOULD.” Sam shoved Dean off the bed. Dean got up and picked Sam up by his
shirt. “Oh now you wanna fight!?” Sam forced all his weight on Dean, knocking
him to the floor. Sam hit him once in the face before he was pinned on his
back. “Damn it Sammy!”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!!”
“So you wanna fight me now? You didn’t wanna fight me yesterday!”
“Get the FUCK off me. I HATE you!”
“Stop lying to yourself Sam!”
They were still fighting, but Dean was stronger. Sam knew that. Sam finally
calmed down, but he wouldn’t look at Dean.
“Sammy, look at me. Please.”
Sam wouldn’t. Dean moved one hand to Sam’s jaw, and tilted his head. Their gaze
held for a few seconds. “Dean, get off of me. Now.” “I can’t do that Sammy.”
Dean leaned down and kissed Sam. “Oh no, you’re not gonna do that. You don’t
get to decide when you want me.” Dean pinned Sam’s arms above his head and
latched his mouth on to his brother’s neck. “Dean stop!”
***** Chapter 2 *****
“What, you don’t want it now? What the FUCK do you want from me!” Dean stopped
and stared at Sam for a minute. “Huh Sammy?”
“I want what you won’t give me.”
“I will Sammy. I just have to be careful.” Sam thought to himself. ‘That’s not
what I mean. I meant your heart.’
“Okay. I..I trust you.” Dean was so worked up he didn’t even think of what he
would have done if Sam said no, or if he could even stop.
He wanted Dean anyway he would allow. He was hurt, but if this was as close as
he was going to get. He would take it. Dean smiled at Sam. He leaned down and
kissed Sam’s forehead.
He started to unbutton Sam’s shirt. He took it off, and placed his hand on
Sam’s bare chest causing him to tighten his stomach. “Relax. I got you.” He
tried to control his breathing, while Dean was undoing his belt. Sam was
totally naked by now, and Dean just had his shirt off. “Dean..”
“Yeah Sammy?” “I love you..”
“Me too.”
“No, say it.”
“Oh come on Sammy, not now.” “Why can’t you say it Dean.”
“I love you okay.”
“Why can’t you mean it.”
Sam shoved Dean off him, and walked to his room. When he slammed the door, Dean
flinched. Dean slapped his forehead. “Stupid!”
Sam laid on his bed. He started crying, but didn’t say a word. He let his eyes
fill, then blinked. The tears fell down his cheeks. Dean knew It was stupid,
but he went up to Sam’s room. He knocked. “Go away.” He made sure there was no
hurt in his voice. He could play Dean’s game too. “Come on Sammy, let me in.
I’ll break the door down, you know it.”
Sam huffed and went to unlock the door. He opened it to find Dean leaned
against the door frame. Dean looked at him. “Look Sam I’m sorry.”
“I opened the door because I didn’t want you to break it. Not because I wanted
to talk.” Dean stormed out of the room. Sam heard the impala start, he knew
Dean was headed to the bar.
Sam grabbed the bottle of whiskey he hid under his bed. He got drunk and
eventually passed out. A few hours went by, when he heard Dean stumbling in the
kitchen. He knew he was drunk because Dean was trying to be quiet. Which was
causing more noise. That, and he was talking to inanimate objects telling them
to be quiet. Sam rolled his eyes and pulled the covers over his head. Dean
stumbled up the stairs to his room. He walked over to Sam’s bed. “Sammy…Sammy.”
He thought he was whispering, but it was a loud, drunk whisper. “What.”
“I’m sorry S..am”
“Dean, you’re drunk.” Dean laid down next to Sam. “I do love you. I want,
wanted to tell you.”
“Dean, you don’t mean that, you’re drunk.” “S s Sammy. I do love you. So much.”
Dean ran his fingers through Sam’s hair. Sam knocked his hand away. Dean pinned
Sam’s arms above his head. “DEAN! STOP!” Dean was kissing him. As much as Sam
wanted this, he didn’t want it to be when Dean was wasted. “Shh Sam, t’s okay.
Trust me, you said you trusted me.”
“Dean stop. Now.” Dean attached his mouth to Sam’s neck. Sam finally slipped
his hand free. He was glad Dean was drunk. He never would have gotten away if
Dean was sober, but then again Dean would never have come at him if he was
sober. He shoved Dean off him and ran to the bathroom. He locked the door
behind him. Dean ran after him. “Sam, Sam I’m so sorry. You can’t be afraid of
me. I need you.”
Sam was crying. He knew after all that happened Dean got sober really quick.
“God Sammy. I never. Damn it!!!” Sam was leaning against the door, incase Dean
freaked out again. He could hear Dean start to cry. “I’m so sorry.” Sam fell
asleep against the door. Dean passed out soon after.
When Sam woke up he opened the door. Dean fell on the bathroom floor. It woke
him up. “Ow.”
Sam had a glass of water and some asprin ready. He dragged Dean so his head was
on his lap. “Come on, sit up. Take these.” Dean took the asprin.
“You probably need a nap.” “Sam..”
Sam was splashing water on his face. He looked up. “Huh?”
“I’m sorry.” “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it. I know you don’t like
talking.”
“Sam, I want to talk this time.” “Okay, talk.”
“I don’t want you to be afraid of me Sam. I can’t live without you.”
“I’m not afraid of you Dean.” “Sam you ran from me, you never run from me.”
“It was just a reaction.”
Dean brushed Sam’s cheek with his index finger. Sam’s eyes shut.
“Sam, can I..try something.” Sam nodded his head. Dean leaned in close to Sam,
but paused before he kissed him. Sam quickly closed the gap. He gripped Dean’s
hair.
“Baby, I love you so much.” Sam pulled away quickly. He looked in Dean’s eyes
for what felt like hours.
“Are you still drunk?” Dean smirked and kissed Sam again. Dean had Sam on his
back fast. He ripped Sam’s shirt in half. “Man, I liked this shirt.” Dean
kissed Sam’s neck, then bit. “Shh, I’ll buy you another one.”
They were both naked at this point. Dean was still biting and sucking at Sam’s
neck, leaving bruises. Sam arched up into Dean. “Now, Dean I’m ready.”
“Calm down, I don’t want to hurt you.” “Dean, it’s fine. If you keep going I
wont last.”
Dean huffed out a laugh. “Okay, but don’t come crying to me when you’re ass
hurts tomorrow.”
“Okay okay, just do it.”
Dean didn’t mess around either, he grabbed the lube from his jacket pocket, and
squeezed some on his shaft. After a minute of working it, he lined himself up
with Sam. He pushed in slowly. Sam winced, taking in a deep breath. “Sammy. You
alright?”
Sam nodded his head. Dean started to move. Sam wasn’t get used to the
intrusion. “You want me to stop?” Sam shook his head no. “Damn it Sam, don’t
let your pride get in the way of common sense.”
“I’ll get used to it. Do you know what we went through to get here? If you stop
I swear to…..Oh my god!!” Dean had cut him off by thrusting in hard, slamming
his prostate dead on. Sam started to squirm. It was too much, yet not enough.
“God Dean harder.” Dean slammed into him with force a few times.Sam dug his
nails into his brother’s back. Dean lifted Sam by the small of his back. He was
slamming into Sam. He figured this was the fastest he’d ever moved.
They were both begging for a release, almost becoming desperate. “Dean….”
“I know baby, me too. Come on, come for me.”
Dean was still thrusting when he felt Sam’s muscles tighten. They came
together. Sam clawing at Dean’s back, and Dean leaning down to bite down on
Sam’s neck. He collapsed next to Sam on the bathroom floor. They were breathing
heavily. Sam placed his hand on his neck. When he drew it back, there was blood
on his hand. “Man.”
He leaned over Sam and sucked the blood away. Dean looked at Sam and smirked.
“Tastes like Sammy.”
Sam lifted his head to kiss Dean. They laid back down on the bathroom floor.
Sam tilted his head to the side. He looked at Dean for a long time. “I know
Sammy. I love you too.”
Sam smiled at Dean. “I think we should get off the floor.”
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